Items by Chris Kohler
Wired: Top Stories
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Nintendo's Fils-Aime Talks DSi, Wii and Everything in Between
Posted: April 3rd, 2009, 6:22pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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On the eve of the DSi's U.S. launch, Nintendo of America President Reggie Fils-Aime talks about portability, personalization and the future of casual gaming. -
Review: 'Rhythm Heaven' Is Portable Musical Brilliance
Posted: April 3rd, 2009, 3:59pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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A surprisingly rich and complex game turns the Nintendo DS into a music machine. -
Jack Black Destroys Demons With Power of Rock in 'Brutal Legend'
Posted: April 3rd, 2009, 10:00am EDT by Chris Kohler
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You play the ultimate roadie in this upcoming videogame, which deftly mixes heavy metal and humor. A sneak peek leaves us wanting more. -
Hands On: Classic 'Punch-Out!! Boxing Feels Just Like Old Times
Posted: March 27th, 2009, 2:37pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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A first look at the Wii version of the game shows some smart thinking went into adapting it for the motion-control-equipped console. -
GDC Live Blog: What's Next for Nintendo?
Posted: March 25th, 2009, 12:30am EDT by Chris Kohler
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Nintendo's top man Satoru Iwata talks about the state of his art. Get an as-it-happens report from the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco. -
Top 10 iPhone Games, as Voted by Wired.com Readers
Posted: February 14th, 2009, 12:00am EST by Chris Kohler
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From JellyCar's squishy physics to straight-ahead wordplay, these games turn your shiny Apple gadget into a full-fledged fun machine. -
Sega to Close Arcades, Cancel Games, Lay Off Hundreds
Posted: February 10th, 2009, 3:11pm EST by Chris Kohler
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The Japanese videogame company slashes 20 percent from its development budget and takes other cost-cutting measures. -
A First-Hand Tour of 'Batman: Arkham Asylum' Madhouse
Posted: January 30th, 2009, 12:00am EST by Chris Kohler
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A manic Joker, a sexy Harley Quinn and an extremely impressive Batcape await those who venture into this videogame based on the classic comic-book character. -
Top 11 Most Anticipated Games of 2009
Posted: January 9th, 2009, 6:43pm EST by Chris Kohler
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It's gonna be a great year for videogames, and these titles look likely to deliver maximum fun. From big winners to little-known gems, Wired.com runs down the year's most promising games.
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Predicting the Top Gaming Stories of 2009
Posted: December 31st, 2008, 2:00pm EST by Chris Kohler
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In this video feature, Wired editors predict the trends and stories that will shape the videogame business in 2009.
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LittleBigPlanet Creator Talks About His Game
Posted: December 31st, 2008, 12:00pm EST by Chris Kohler
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Alex Evans, the man behind LittleBigPlanet, discusses the creation of the groundbreaking, creative PlayStation 3 game in this exclusive Game|Life video.
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Top 10 Games of 2008
Posted: December 22nd, 2008, 12:00am EST by Chris Kohler
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: 2008 was an amazing year for videogames.
With the next generation of gaming hardware hitting its stride, the hits came fast and furious: Nintendo shipped its long-awaited Super Smash Bros. Brawl for Wii, Rockstar Games finally gave us Grand Theft Auto IV and Sony got its make-your-own platform game LittleBigPlanet out the door.
Perhaps just as important, independent games shifted from quirky distraction to viable business model. With digital distribution taking off on all three consoles, small teams crafting small, innovative games captured more and more of our gaming dollars.
Still, big-budget blockbusters dominate our list of the year's top games. Here are the titles Wired.com reviewers enjoyed the most in 2008.
10. No More Heroes: Best Game That Just Barely Made It Here
Left: This Wii game squeaks into 10th place largely on the strength of its well-directed and very funny story about an otaku doofus pro wrestler who gets duped into being a lightsaber assassin.
Swinging the Wiimote to chop off dudes' heads is exhilarating. Doing odd jobs to earn money in between assassination attempts is significantly less so. But it's such a hilarious and occasionally brilliant experience that No More Heroes' flaws prove forgivable.
Review: No More Heroes, Rez HD Sport Serious Style
: 9. Left 4 Dead: Best Multiplayer Game
It might not have been the homage to George Romero's zombie flicks that some gamers were looking for, but Left 4 Dead's cooperative multiplayer action made for a concerted adrenaline rush. This Xbox 360 and PC game features an AI Director that adjusts the pacing of the zombie-filled action sequences depending on how your team of four desperate survivors is faring, so as to keep the tension at perfect pitch — and make sure that no two gameplay sessions are the same.
Review: Left 4 Dead Delivers Definitive Team Zombie War
: 8. Super Smash Bros. Brawl: Best Game by Nintendo Fans, for Nintendo Fans
As a game, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a divisive experience — players either love its four-player, pummel-your-friends-to-oblivion gameplay, or they can't stand the random chaos that every match quickly devolves into. But as a tribute to a quarter-century of Nintendo culture, this Wii game is an unqualified masterpiece.
Its developer filled the disc with characters, fighting arenas, music and bonus content pulled from practically every game the company has ever produced. One example: Brawl contains a whopping 314 music tracks to smash by.
Review: Smash Bros. Brawl Fun for All
: 7. Persona 4: Best Swan Song
We had a lot of great times together, PlayStation 2, but you're not as much fun to be around as you used to be. You've still got one or two hits in you, though, as evidenced by Persona 4.
Japanese towns possessed by demons were never so much fun: This mammoth RPG successfully blends going to school and making friends with taming grotesque creatures to fight other grotesque creatures for you. Here's hoping the sequel lands on PS3, though.
Review: Stylish Persona 4 Is RPG Perfection
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6. Boom Blox: Best Use of Irony
Legendary filmmaker Steven Spielberg teams up with Electronic Arts, and his first game is ... a multiplayer Wii game where you throw baseballs at towers of blocks? Amazingly, this unlikely project turned out to be a polished, addictive critical success and a big hit at parties. Meanwhile, Spielberg's more traditional project — the cinematic, serious adventure — is now rumored to be in jeopardy after EA layoffs. Whodathunkit?
Review: Spielberg's Boom Blox Rocks
: 5. Grand Theft Auto IV: Best Reinvention of the Wheel
The first high-definition entry into the world's best-known series of violent crime games was going to sell millions of copies no matter what. But Rockstar didn't just slap a new coat of paint on Grand Theft Auto: It overhauled almost every aspect of the gameplay, making it much more palatable.
Finally, the gameplay missions were as polished as the story line — which itself was even better this time around. Most gamers still probably just ignored the story and went on hours-long killing sprees, but there's no accounting for taste.
Grand Theft Auto IV Delivers Deft Satire of Street Life
: 4. Fallout 3: Best Horrific Vision of a Shattered Future
Think of Fallout 3 as a dry run. The bombs are going to drop eventually, and when they do, as you emerge from your shelter into a radioactive nightmare world populated by wild packs of giant, roving cockroaches, you'll be thankful that you spent 40 hours practicing.
Will you keep your moral compass and be humanity's savior, or will you just start taking everything that isn't nailed down? This Xbox, PS3 and PC game lets you rehearse for your post-apocalyptic life.
Review: Engrossing Fallout 3 Mutates a Classic Series
: 3. Professor Layton and the Curious Village: Best (and Worst) English Accents
When you solve one of Professor Layton's many logic puzzles, you're sometimes rewarded with a congratulatory line from the top-hatted teacher in his smooth English-gentleman lilt. And sometimes, feral child Luke shrieks at you.
The uneven voice work is the only sore spot in this collection of lateral-thinking puzzles organized around a charming, animated story line. Don't let the cartoony look fool you: Layton's brain teasers will have you stumped for hours. This is the Nintendo DS game that should be in everyone's library.
Review: Professor Layton, the Smarty Pants' Perfect Game
: 2. Braid: Best Indie Game
We've had a lot of fun this year with inexpensive downloadable games like Audiosurf and World of Goo. But this Xbox 360 title is the best example of why the independent games movement is important.
Braid isn't just a quirky puzzle game: It's a subtle, emotional story that hits with real impact. This is only possible because its creator, Jonathan Blow, was able to control every aspect of the game's production. Had Braid been cooked up at a big publisher, it surely would not have possessed such a strong authorial voice — something that videogames need much more of.
Review: Braid Innovates and Satisfies
: 1. LittleBigPlanet: Game of the Year
User-generated content — levels, characters and the like produced by gamers — was perhaps 2008's biggest buzzword, but no game pulled it off as well as LittleBigPlanet.
Thanks to the title's charming design and intuitive interface, PlayStation 3 owners are bending over backward to produce new action-game levels to be enjoyed by the rest of the world. Spore's player-made creatures and Guitar Hero's custom songs aren't nearly as fascinating as LittleBigPlanet's never-ending carnival of amusement.
First Impressions: LittleBigPlanet's Ever-Expanding World of Wonder
For more gaming action, check out the following lists of 2008's top videogames, by console:
Best of 2008: Top 5 Multiplatform Games
Best of 2008: Top 5 Xbox 360 Games
Best of 2008: Top 5 PlayStation 3 Games
Best of 2008: Top 5 Portable Games
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Video: 'Mirror's Edge' vs. 'Prince of Persia' -- Fight!
Posted: December 16th, 2008, 2:09pm EST by Chris Kohler
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Two controversial games approach players' in-game deaths from very different perspectives: One makes you practically invincible, the other repeatedly turns you into dog meat. Which way is more fun?
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The 10 Most Disappointing Games of 2008
Posted: December 12th, 2008, 6:23pm EST by Chris Kohler
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From lame Star Wars to overhyped Spore, these once-promising videogames failed for a variety of reasons. Read 'em and weep.
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Touring the 'PlayStation Home' Open House
Posted: December 11th, 2008, 11:56am EST by Chris Kohler
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Movie trailers, lame games and plenty of buying opportunities await as Sony throws open the doors of its console-based virtual world.
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Video: Top 10 Game-Changing Moments of 2008
Posted: December 11th, 2008, 12:39am EST by Chris Kohler
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Successes, failures and more than a few surprises shook up the videogame industry this year. Here's what all those big moves mean for gamers.
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Nintendo's Newest Portable Is 10th-Level Awesome
Posted: November 18th, 2008, 2:30pm EST by Chris Kohler
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The Nintendo DSi upgrades the company's popular dual-screen portable with two cameras, an SD card slot and the ability to download new games wirelessly — but it's only available in Japan, for now.
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Miyamoto Struggles to Sell Inscrutable 'Wii Music'
Posted: October 31st, 2008, 5:44pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Nintendo's new music game isn't the wildfire hit everybody expected. That's because it's nothing like Rock Band and Guitar Hero — and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
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Review: 'Wii Music' Puts Improv Before Gameplay
Posted: October 23rd, 2008, 4:04pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Nintendo's new jam-based game couldn't be further from the goal-oriented precision tapping of Rock Band. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.
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Meet 'Takahashi-Meijin,' Japan's Blazing-Fast Videogame Hero
Posted: October 17th, 2008, 9:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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His ability to mash a game-controller button 16 times per second earned him a spot in classic 8-bit titles. Now the rise of casual gaming is giving Toshiyuki Takahashi a second shot of gaming fame.
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Video: Learn to Cook, Play Music With Nintendo
Posted: October 16th, 2008, 2:39am EDT by Chris Kohler
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A San Francisco chef shows how the upcoming Personal Trainer: Cooking for the Nintendo DS can help you kick out a mean lamb souvlaki.
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Hands On: 'Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep'
Posted: October 11th, 2008, 2:20am EDT by Chris Kohler
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Birth By Sleep, the upcoming PSP entry in the Kingdom Hearts series, reminded me of why I like this Square Enix/Disney crossover in the first place. Beating things up with a giant key is fun.
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Nintendo DS Steals the Tokyo Game Show
Posted: October 10th, 2008, 9:28pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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At the Tokyo Game Show, it's the year of the Nintendo DS. With more than 23 million units sold in Japan alone, and an updated version of the hardware called the DSi on the way next month, there isn't a gamemaker at the show that isn't preparing one or more big-budget games for DS.
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Review: 'Resident Evil: Degeneration' Takes the Zip Out of Zombie Movies
Posted: October 10th, 2008, 12:07am EDT by Chris Kohler
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The CG-animated flick doesn't bring anything special to the popular horror videogame franchise. If anything, the latest game trailer looks better than this boring puppet show.
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Video: Violent Wii Titles Woo Hard-Core Gamers
Posted: October 7th, 2008, 8:05pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Nintendo's hot console isn't all about bowling. New Wii games let you use the Wiimote to bash zombies (Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop), zap aliens (The Conduit) and kill historic enemies (Call of Duty: World at War).
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Q&A: Nintendo's Cammie Dunaway Talks DSi, Club Nintendo
Posted: October 3rd, 2008, 5:53pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Interview with Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo vice president, about the company's current Wii and Nintendo DS announcements.
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Nintendo Beefs Up DS Lite's Digital Reach
Posted: October 2nd, 2008, 11:05am EDT by Chris Kohler
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The Japanese game maker adds features to position its popular two-screen handheld for the coming digital distribution revolution.
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Sept. 24, 1993: Beautiful 'Myst' Ushers In Era of CD-ROM Gaming
Posted: September 24th, 2008, 12:00am EDT by Chris Kohler
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1993: Broderbund Software releases Myst, a game for the Macintosh computer that becomes a record-setting best-seller and the killer app that sparks sales of CD-ROM drives. Brothers Rand and Robyn Miller founded a software-development business called Cyan Worlds in 1987, and they started making history. The pair partnered in 1989 with game-publisher Activision to create a CD-ROM version of Cyan's first game, The Manhole, which was the first entertainment product released in the fledgling format. More CD-ROM games followed, including follow-ups from Cyan, but few consumers bought expensive CD drives for their home computers, because there were no truly compelling applications -- that is, until Broderbund published Cyan's Myst in 1993. Myst's dreamlike world and simple gameplay appealed to what we would now call "casual gamers." Its graphics were so polished and its world so entrancingly designed that it hooked a wide audience. Copies flew off the shelves. But perhaps more important, CD-ROM drives flew off shelves. To play Myst, you needed the hardware. The underlying technology of the new game wasn't that different from Manhole's -- both were programmed using HyperCard, a free Mac application that gave amateur programmers a user-friendly, visually oriented creation tool. What separated Myst from the pack was the game's beautiful, "pre-rendered" 3-D world. The mid-'90s were videogames' puberty, a strange and awkward time spent trapped between child and adult. Computers were able to render 3-D worlds, but the videogame consoles in people's homes couldn't come close. As a result, game designers often created 3-D worlds on their workstations, then took 2-D bitmap snapshots of the worlds and dropped them into their games as pre-rendered graphics. Nintendo would later use this technique to great effect in Donkey Kong Country for the Super Nintendo. As its box art signified, Myst dropped the player into a remote, deserted island with little in the way of prelude. The player's goal: Explore the island, find the fragments of story that explain the situation, and solve puzzles. Writing about the game in the early days of Wired magazine, Jon Carroll described the appeal of Myst's atmosphere: "The game is remarkable for its sense of control and mood; it is internally consistent in a subtle and layered way. There are interlocking themes: sound, water, gears, energy. The interface is transparent and minimal; it works like a glove....
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Gallery: Penny Arcade Expo Is Geek Gamer's Paradise
Posted: August 30th, 2008, 9:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comSEATTLE, Washington -- What is a "gamer?" Ask ten different Penny Arcade Expo attendees and you'll get ten different answers. Around 50,000 videogame fans have descended on downtown Seattle for this weekend's Penny Arcade Expo, all looking for a different experience.
Some are here to show off their hand-crafted costumes of videogame characters. Some are here to compete in tournaments for thousands of dollars in cash prizes. Some are here to perform videogame music and some are looking to hook up with game publishers and score the job of their dreams. All are here to meet up with like-minded peers from all over the world.
Click through the gallery to see the zaniness of PAX so far. Also check out Wired.com's entire PAX 2008 coverage.
Left: Victor Carino poses for a photograph as Captain Falcon from the game F-Zero on the first day of the Penny Arcade Exposition at the Washington State Visitor and Convention Center in Seattle, Washington, Friday, Aug. 29, 2008.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comJack Waterman, left, and Paul Owens perform "chip tunes," using their Nintendo Game Boy systems as electronic instruments on the first day of the Penny Arcade Expo. Owens directed "Reformat the Planet," a documentary about chip tune artists who create original music using ancient videogame hardware, which is being screened at PAX.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comYou don't see as much cosplay on the PAX show floor as you do at events like Comic-Con, but there are still plenty of gamers in disguise. Kristopher Benson, left, of Seattle dressed up as Pit, aka Kid Icarus, from the game Super Smash Brothers Brawl. His friend, Hilary Kotzke of Seattle, is dressed as Yuffie -- she's a character from the Final Fantasy series of games, but this particular costume is how she appeared in the Disney/Final Fantasy crossover Kingdom Hearts. Cosplayers are a very specific sort.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comThe "Omegathon" is one of the most brutal videogame tournaments ever devised. A pool of twenty competitors is slowly whittled down to just two finalists, over six grueling rounds spanning the three days of the show. "Omeganaut" Jo Urbanksy of Litchfield, Ohio, awaits his fate while playing Boom Blox on the Nintendo Wii (during the final match of round two of the Omegathon competition). Urbansky's aim was true, and he moved on to the next round.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.com Dana White, left, of Seattle says she dressed up as a ninja because she is a ninja. Conversely, Megan Cummings, of Seattle, dressed up as a pirate because she wanted to fight the ninja. (Are they thinking about this game?)
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comDungeon Master Sage Kurtz of Portland, Oregon, presides over a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Some gamers come to PAX just to game for three days, whether sprawled on a beanbag chair playing Nintendo DS and trading Pokemon with new friends, or holed up in the tabletop gaming rooms waging pen-and-paper campaigns.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comThe first two nights of PAX play host to the nerdiest concerts ever. The OneUps, a videogame music cover band, kicked off Friday night's show, which was headlined by Jonathan Coulton, a singer/songwriter who penned "Still Alive," the theme song to last year's cult hit game Portal. Pictured: OneUps guitarist Tim Yarbrough, left, and violinist Greg Kennedy.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comWarmachine player Matt Birdsall of Arlington, Washington, rolls the dice while playing Hordes at the Privateer Press exhibit.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comTim Riggs of Spokane, Washington, competes in a Starcraft tournament. PAX's PC gaming room is the stuff of legend: It's sponsored by Intel, and Penny Arcade says it's one of the largest LANs in America. There are 330 computers that attendees can play on, and 300 spots where attendees can set up their own custom rigs. All of those spots had sold out before PAX even began.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comAs so many years of E3 proved, gamers will do almost anything for swag. To win a the newest version of Brothers in Arms, Kenny Repine of Tumwater, Washington, shaved his head and allowed "HELL" to be painted on his scalp.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comThere's no Dark Knight videogame that we know of, but that didn't stop Stephanie Lindner and Scott Falkner of Renton, Washington, from dressing up as Harley Quinn and the Joker.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comDaniel Smolentsev, right, of Portland, Oregon, and teammate Robert Bosch of Gresham, Oregon, celebrate winning a match in a Team Fortress 2 tournament.
: Photo: Stephen Brashear/Wired.comFreezepop vocalist Liz Enthusiasm performs. Freezepop isn't a videogame band per se, but member Kasson Crooker is a senior producer at Harmonix, the creators of Rock Band, and Freezepop's songs have appeared in many of the company's games.
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Review: 'Too Human' More Potential Than Payoff
Posted: August 25th, 2008, 5:59pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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This new Xbox 360 title leaves a bit to be desired, but only because it makes the user want more along the way.
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Irish Tunes for Videogame Music Fans
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 6:21pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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If you groove to videogame soundtracks, you'll probably enjoy Irish traditional music: Both feature simple, often unaccompanied, melody lines that are brief, easy to remember and loop back upon themselves infinitely. Here are our Irish music pics for game music fans.
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Controversial Space Invaders Remix Raises Square Enix's Ire
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 6:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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A remixed version of Space Invaders sets the game against the backdrop of the twin towers of the World Trade Center, which aliens destroy while the player attempts to fight them off. Not exactly a big hit with families of 9/11 victims.
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Q&A: What Japanese Developers Can't Say About EA Deal
Posted: August 15th, 2008, 5:44pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Grasshopper Manufacture's Goichi Suda and Shinji Mikami talk about working with Electronic Arts to cook up a new horror-themed game.
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First Look at Nintendo's Summer of Japanese Awesome
Posted: July 30th, 2008, 3:29pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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A trio of games available now overseas -- Fatal Frame, Wario Land: Shake It and Rhythm Heaven -- bring the fun to Wii and the Nintendo DS.
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Why Castlevania Became a Fighting Game
Posted: July 23rd, 2008, 10:47am EDT by Chris Kohler
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Two-player fighting game Castlevania Judgment returns to a console near you.
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Microsoft to Sell Home-Brewed Xbox Games, Share Revenue
Posted: July 22nd, 2008, 2:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Microsoft announces its going to let home-brew gamemakers sell their games to other Xbox 360 owners online, and take a share of the revenue.
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Interview: Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto
Posted: July 21st, 2008, 7:52pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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The creator of Super Mario talks Nintendo's future plans, including new Wii motion controllers, Wii Music, and the future of his famous franchises. Wired.com video interview by Chris Kohler.
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Nintendo's Cammie Dunaway: I'm Not Faking It
Posted: July 21st, 2008, 11:16am EDT by Chris Kohler
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The gamemaker's new executive vice president swears she's excited about the casual games in the pipeline for Wii and DS.
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Gamemakers Hear the Music Loud and Clear at E3
Posted: July 18th, 2008, 5:06pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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With Rock Band and Guitar Hero revitalizing rock 'n' roll's moneymaking mojo, suddenly everybody's grooving on music games.
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Will Sony, Microsoft Try to 'Out-Wii' Nintendo at E3?
Posted: July 11th, 2008, 1:52pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Nintendo's motion-sensing controls have changed the way people play games. Makers of competing consoles would be stupid if they weren't planning to jump on the Wiimote bandwagon.
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Tainted Tie-Ins: Worst Movie Games Ever
Posted: July 1st, 2008, 9:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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: Ever since they first fooled around in the Atari era, movies and videogames have had a troubled relationship.
Movies based on games -- like Super Mario Bros. and Postal-- deliver pure cinematic dreck, yet somehow games based on movies up the crap ante. Slapped together on tight development schedules by B-list teams, movie tie-in games rarely crawl out of the hole of mediocrity. Quite frankly, they dream of being mediocre.
Adding insult to injury, they sell enormously well. The NPD Group reported in June that the PlayStation 2 Iron Man game was May's seventh best-selling U.S. game.
Here's our list of the 10 worst movie-to-game translations in history, with input from a Wired.com reader poll. If it seems heavy on retro games, just remember that things used to be a lot worse.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Atari 2600 owners who ripped open their Christmas presents in 1982 were probably doubled over in glee at the prospect of jumping into the fedora of America's sweetheart, Harrison Ford, and going on an adventure as Indy. Instead, what they got was a game that we might charitably describe as "ahead of its time" but after a drink would call "ridiculous."
Not only were the graphics completely inscrutable -- can you even tell which of these abstract objects is supposed to be Indiana Jones? -- but the game was impossible to understand unless you pored over the instructions. Woe betide you if they ended up in the trash bag with the wrapping paper.
"Indecipherably bad graphics, unintuitive 'gameplay' (if you can even call it that) and the worst possible control scheme ever," writes commenter Sakimori.
: Star Wars (Namco version)
A long time ago (1987) in a galaxy far, far away (Japan), the development house behind Pac-Man decided to try its hand at creating a Star Wars game for the 8-bit Nintendo system. For the most part, it's a mundane side-scrolling game in which Luke hacks away at enemies with his lightsaber and dies a lot. But you know that things have gone horribly awry when he enters the Jawa Sandcrawler after about five minutes of gameplay to find Darth Vader, who transforms into a scorpion.
No, really. Luckily for everyone involved, this game was only released in Japan.
: Back to the Future
Screwed up though it was, Namco's version of Star Wars was more or less faithful to the movie insofar as Luke Skywalker does, at times, use a lightsaber. If we were to apply the same sort of thinking to the Nintendo Entertainment System version of Back to the Future, we would necessarily determine that the film starred a young man who spent all his time being assaulted on the street by killer wasps, girls with razor-sharp Hula-Hoops and men wearing pink. Back to the Future's controls were so shaky that players felt like they were as drunk as the people who programmed it.
Even the jump to 16 bits didn't help the series. "Shonky controls and mediocre graphics were just the start of this atrocity that really did seem like it had traveled through time from the past," wrote an anonymous Wired.com reader about Back to the Future III for Sega Genesis.
Back to the Future was just one of the flood of execrable movie-to-game releases foisted on an unsuspecting public by the thankfully dead Acclaim Entertainment. (We'll see them again before we're finished with this dreadful expedition.)
: Nausicaä Kiki Ippatsu
This is another game that only saw release in Japan, but its worldwide impact has been tremendous. The developers at Tokuma Shoten, tasked with creating a game based on animation legend Hayao Miyazaki's breakout smash Nausicaä, turned a film about nonviolence and environmentalism into a vapid shooter.
As the story goes, Miyazaki was so enraged by the game that Studio Ghibli never had anything to do with videogames ever again. Sure enough, no game projects have ever been released for any of the studio's later films, like Princess Mononoke or the Oscar-winning Spirited Away. Maybe that's all for the best.
: Friday the 13th
Yes, it's another inscrutably bad movie-to-game translation courtesy of our good friends at Acclaim Entertainment. You all remember Friday the 13th, that horror film about camp counselors who throw knives at Yetis that burrow up from beneath the Earth. At least the Back to the Future games kept epileptic Marty McFly constantly moving toward the goal.
Making a failed attempt at nonlinearity, Friday the 13th mostly left players to wander around the identical screens that made up the virtual version of Camp Crystal Lake, listening to exactly four bars of the worst sonic torture ever devised until they died. Technically it was possible to finish the entire game in three minutes, and we feel terribly sorry for anyone who spent the time to learn how.
"I'm not sure if I've ever seen anyone do anything besides run around and die," writes reader (not the real) Bob Dole.
: Seven Samurai 20XX
Wired.com reader Fnord called this PlayStation 2 game "a generic-to-bad brawler game that was trying very hard to be Ninja Gaiden, shoehorned and chopped and hammered into something that tried to resemble the plot of one of the best movies ever made."
We simply call it an atrocity. Akira Kurosawa wasn't even five years in his grave, and already his son Hisao was whoring out his classic films to the highest bidder, allowing Japanese pachinko-maker Sammy to turn Kurosawa's samurai masterpiece into a campy futuristic fighting game. It's embarrassing to even say this game's title out loud, let alone play it.
: Total Recall
For all of Acclaim Entertainment's sins of the 8-bit era, perhaps none was so unbelievably ham-fisted as Total Recall. Turning R-rated films into games for children had to have been hard work, but that still doesn't explain why the gameplay of Total Recall consists of a gorilla that is supposed to be Arnold Schwarzenegger being kidnapped by bearded midgets in pink jumpsuits, dragged into alleys and kicked in the knees. To death.
Everything about this game is hilarious, except for the fact that children spent actual money on it back when the dollar was worth something. Also, there was no three-boobed alien hooker.
: Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game
Quick, what's a worse idea than turning Street Fighter II into a live-action movie? Turning said live-action movie into a videogame. Hey guys, there already is a Street Fighter videogame, and it's awesome. We don't need one starring Raul Julia. But Raul Julia we get.
Isn't it amazingly sad that this talented actor's final appearance is in a videogame where he (his stuntman, actually) gets to serve as a punching bag for a squad of B-list actors? Besides Jean-Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue, there's also Ming Na, and seeing her jump around in a tiny China-doll dress shouting horrifically mangled Japanese catch phrases more than makes up for how preachy Mulan was.
Bonus points: When Street Fighter: The Movie came to the PlayStation and Sega Saturn, it was so bad that it wasn't even published by Street Fighter creator Capcom. Instead, it carried the logo of -- you cannot make this stuff up -- Acclaim Entertainment.
: Enter the Matrix
Every now and then, there's a movie game that is supposed to change everything we know about movie games. This is inevitably followed by the backlash that results when these massively hyped projects turn out to be just as crappy as their predecessors.
Reviewers agreed that the only reason to play Enter the Matrix would have been to watch the extra footage from the Matrix Reloaded shoot, a desire that simply watching Matrix Reloaded should have cured. Otherwise, it was an utter mess.
Even sadder? In a past life, lead designer David Perry was responsible for one of those rare-as-a-unicorn good movie games: Aladdin for the Sega Genesis.
: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Wired.com readers might not have enjoyed the Raiders of the Lost Ark game, but Steven Spielberg liked the Atari 2600 title enough that he asked its designer, Howard Scott Warshaw, to design a game based on his upcoming film E.T.
In time for the film's release. Which was six weeks away.
Faced with an impossible deadline, Warshaw sequestered himself away in his Atari office, emerging just a month and a half later with E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. It's not the single worst videogame ever created, but it lives in infamy as the videogame industry's first high-profile disaster. Again, let us look back at children opening their presents one fine Christmas morning in 1982, and watch as they attempt to maneuver E.T. around the game screen, only to fall into a pit that they cannot escape from, no matter how many times they try. Repeat until tears are flowing steadily and Mom takes the game back to the store.
There are many urban legends about E.T., and all of them are true. Atari manufactured 4 million copies of the game and found itself stuck with 2.5 million leftovers, which it buried in a New Mexico landfill. But E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial remains one of the best-selling Atari 2600 games of all time, proving the old adage that people will, in fact, buy any videogame with a movie license on the cover, no matter how terrible.
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Spielberg's 'Boom Blox' Brings Art of Destruction to the Wii
Posted: May 5th, 2008, 9:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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: On May 6, famed director Steven Spielberg will release his first collaboration with game publisher Electronic Arts -- a clever, innovative Wii game called Boom Blox. Inspired by Spielberg's childhood love of destroying his toys, Boom Blox lets players experience the joy of smashing elaborate towers of blocks by throwing baseballs at them using the Wii remote.
But it's got much, much more. Multiplayer modes that mimic Jenga have up to four players pulling and throwing blocks in fierce competition. And a robust creation mode lets you make your own puzzles, then trade them with friends online.
Left: Gamers of all skill levels can enjoy throwing balls at this tower of blocks: Winding up with the Wiimote, then letting a baseball fly at the tower, is a universally fun experience. But hardcore gamers can approach each of Boom Blox's hundreds of puzzles with an eye towards perfection. One of these blocks will, when struck precisely, cause the whole tower to come tumbling down at once, as shown here.
: A tower of wooden blocks explodes, thanks to some strategically placed red Bomb Blox, as the town full of chickens panics in reaction.
While the core concept of Boom Blox was pure Spielberg, one of the Indiana Jones director's other major contributions to the game design was adding a cast of animal characters and a variety of different settings, like the Old West. "We were on the path of creating a very generic puzzle game, and he came in and really championed having themed worlds and characters you interact with to add that sort of emotional wrapper to it," says Amir Rahimi, the game's producer.
: Having carefully placed his Bomb Blox on this tower, Boots Beaverton celebrates as he knocks down a whole pile of valuable numbered Point Blox.
In addition to the extensive single-player puzzle mode, Boom Blox also contains a great deal of multiplayer content, both cooperative and competitive. In this mode, players compete to knock down as many gold blocks as possible. Each has a specific point value that players will earn if the block hits the ground during their turn. The game's physics engine accurately calculates the blocks' weight, so you'll have a harder time knocking the bigger ones over.
: An army of skeletons bears down upon the kittens' fortified stronghold. Can you hold them off and save the poor cats?
Some of the levels are purely twitch- and timing-based. In this level, you have to defend the adorable bow-tied kittens from the evil skeleton army. If you throw balls at the red Bomb Blox, they'll explode and take down the skeletons. As with all Boom Blox challenges, perfection (less dead cats, in this particular case) will give you higher scores and unlock more and more challenges.
: Dragging this block out of the way will help the mother gorilla get to her little children.
Not only do all of the different character blocks have different behaviors, they also act differently depending on what other characters are around. In the case of the mother gorilla, if her babies are on the screen, she'll do anything she can to get to them. This sets up some clever puzzles in which you have to gently move blocks around in order to create a path that Mom Gorilla can follow to her brood.
: This would represent a very bad move.
Boom Blox isn't all about wanton destruction. Just as many of the levels involve precision movements. In a mode reminiscent of Jenga but significantly more complex, you pull individual bricks out of a tower without letting it fall over. Some multiplayer games have blocks with negative values, and if you accidentally pull them out, you lose points.
: The dogs are attempting to defend their castle from the army of invading skeletons. Don't let them take your green Gem Blox away!
The real meat of Boom Blox is the game's extensive creation mode. You can edit any of the game's puzzles and change things up. It could be as simple as swapping out a bowling ball for the baseball -- try throwing that and see how much easier it is to take down a tower!
But you can also create your own elaborate puzzles with a whole variety of different goals. You can then upload them to EA's servers, where other players can download your creations and attempt to solve them -- then tweak them and re-upload them as slightly different puzzles, if they so desire.
: So many golden Point Blox, so few bombs. Where can you place them to ensure that this entire structure blows up in a chain reaction?
"In my opinion, part of what makes Steven Spielberg the master filmmaker that he is is his ability to spot and deliver what is universally compelling," says Rahimi. "The core of this game, that urge to build something up and break it down, exists with just about everybody in this world. So when you pick up that Wii remote and start bashing stuff down, it satisfies something that's really primal and really deep.
"When I heard the idea, it made perfect sense. In my mind, his credibility as a gamemaker just about tripled that day, because he figured out an idea that would be a fun videogame. And that's the mark of someone who can really deliver entertainment."
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Steven Spielberg's Wii-Inspired Videogame Is a Demolitious Block Party
Posted: May 5th, 2008, 6:00pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Steven Spielberg knows a thing or two about action games. He advised on the development of the Medal of Honor series, based on his film Saving Private Ryan, and he claims to be on his second play-through of the processor-punishing PC title Crysis. So it's a bit surprising to learn that for his first venture as a videogame creative director, the man behind Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park is making not a photorealistic shooter but a cross between Tetris and Jenga. It all goes back to when he was a kid, Spielberg says. He'd spend hours setting up his electric trains so that the locomotives would crash into one another. Now, with the help of a design team at Electronic Arts, Spielberg hopes to recapture that spirit of creative destruction in Boom Blox, out in May.
Inspired by a Wii tennis session, the auteur got the idea of combining Nintendo's innovative Wiimote motion-sensing controller with his youthful delight in mayhem. In the first few levels, you hurl balls at a pile of blocks. The aim? To knock it down. But it's not just mindless destruction — you have to think strategically about which blocks to take out in order to bring the whole stack down quickly. "When you pick up that Wiimote and start bashing stuff, it satisfies something primal," says Amir Rahimi, the game's senior producer. Game | Life: Episode Twelve: In this week's episode, Steven Spielberg makes a foray into the game business with Boom Blox, and Chris Kohler reviews Mario Kart Wii. For more, visit video.wired.com.
Spielberg didn't just hand off a high concept and then disengage. "He weighed in on everything from the look of the characters and environments to the way the balls move through the air to the different game modes," Rahimi says.
One of those modes challenges players to extract blocks from a complex tower without the whole thing collapsing. Basically, it's Jenga — except that in this digitized version, the buildings are inhabited by cute little creatures. That detail was 100 percent Spielberg. "We were on the path of creating a very generic puzzle game," Rahimi says. "He brought in the idea of having characters you interact with to give it an emotional wrapper."
If the game is as fun as it looks, it may go some way toward erasing those unpleasant memories of the 1983 E.T. game for Atari 2600.
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Hands-On With Nintendo's New WiiWare Games
Posted: March 25th, 2008, 4:15pm EDT by Chris Kohler
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Original Dr. Mario and Final Fantasy titles go on sale in Japan as the company tests the waters with its games-on-demand service.
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How Casual Gaming Saved Majesco's Bacon
Posted: January 15th, 2008, 5:30pm EST by Chris Kohler
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After a series of big-budget flops, the videogame publisher finds success by focusing on small, fun titles for Wii and Nintendo DS. -
Screenshots: 'Revenant Wings,' 'Mass Effect' and 'Harvey Birdman'
Posted: January 10th, 2008, 9:00pm EST by Chris Kohler
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Take a peek at a weird passel of new adventure games for Wii, PlayStation 2, Xbox 360 and PSP. -
Review: Adventure Games Defrost the Winter Doldrums
Posted: January 10th, 2008, 9:00pm EST by Chris Kohler
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Beat the blizzard blues by becoming a teenage sky pirate, a lesbian space marine or something else entirely (at least for a little while).